Changing Ideas

How can life continue in the day-to-day normality,
When the purest love now seems as rough as a cheap vodka?
The trust you once had is merely built on what you want to believe,
And only smoldering embers remain of the fire that once burned in the moonlight.
Inspiration falls as fast as a bird shot from the sky.
Your pen slowly runs out of the ink you need to get you through.
Each tear you shed becomes another drop into the puddle that this love has melted to;
Each ripple is a memory you second-guess the truth of.
The beating of your heart echoes the footsteps in your head,
Hoping that the door is going to fly open.
Hoping that this wasn’t a wrong turn on the road.
Hoping that this doesn’t turn you into a hopeless romantic,
Who does nothing all day…but hope.

Her Villanelle

Surrounded by those who would run away
As your world begins to fall
I vow to forever stay.

I ask that with me you will lay
Whenever I may call
Surrounded by those who would run away.

I know with faith this bond won’t fray
And when we can barely crawl
I vow to forever stay,

On my knees at night I pray
That life will never make you fall
Surrounded by those who would run away.

As the night becomes the day
And until you can see it all
I vow to forever stay.

These are my dreams, as scripted as a play,
And it’s you I love in this crowded hall,
Surrounded by those who would run away,
I vow to forever stay.

Turnaround

On this dark summer night
I’ve officially hit the bottom
Grabbing at strands that are mere hallucinations
Wishing time stopped a year and a half ago.
Happiness isn’t even a memory anymore
I just can’t feel anything since then
The alcohol has numbed my body
But it doesn’t even compare to the emotional coma you have driven me to.
I want nothing more than a kiss or a hug,
But apparently I blew that chance with my kindness.
I guess the good guys finish last.
It seems like your feelings change based on what else is around.
I’m not always the best.
But it’s alright, because I can be happy living my life my way.
I tried too hard is what I’m told
But I don’t think that’s possible here.
I just feel so cheated in every sense
Like a game was rigged for me to fail
But someday I just hope you remember what I did
The thought I put into every gift
Every CD, everything I ever did for you at all.
When you’re crying on your floor late at night
Just know that somewhere someone else is getting that affection.
And that that someone, is finally giving it back to me.

Letter From a Broken Heart

Dear once loved,

Do you know why I feel the way that I do? Do you know anything about me anymore? I have wanted you back since the day we broke up. Whatever it took to fix this, I was willing to do. For some reason, though, I can’t do this anymore. I’m too afraid you’re going to find someone better, move on, and leave me hurt once more. Every time I hear your voice I prepare myself for that talk, just like you did when I left you for college. It’s getting harder for me by the day, because I’m still in love with you. Of course I’m going to get jealous. I just feel like lately every time we talk, we don’t actually talk, and my mind gets the best of me. I’ve been so lost on how to handle myself lately. My job for so long was to be the one to make you happy, wipe your tears when you cried, and talk you out of the worst situations. It’s not easy seeing that someone else can now do that better. I just want to hear that sound in your voice again. That tone like you’ve been waiting for me to call all night. I just don’t get that tone anymore, but maybe it’s because of the way I’ve been acting lately. I don’t know how to fix it though, because for so long you were the one I looked to for help. I’m working on it by myself now, and I can’t wait to come home, not just to come home, but to feel your embrace when I step off the train. There’s something about that I just can’t explain. When I have trouble I just think of the sound of your voice or the feel of your hand in mine and I know, somehow, that my heart will stop racing for a moment, and every thing will be alright. I’ve had so much trouble without that being mine anymore. For so long I took every thing for granted, not realizing that when you weren’t there anymore I would be so lost. The funny thing is though, you’re not even gone yet. You’re still here and I feel this way. I’m so scared of what will happen to me when you leave. I want so bad to know where I stand, but no matter how many times I try to tell myself I’ll be strong and that I can relax without you, my heart and mind know that it’s not true. I still love you. I can’t sleep feeling like this. The thought of us being so disconnected rips me apart, but that day seems to be getting closer and closer. No matter where we end up though, know that I love you, and that I’m in love with you, wishing you were still in love with me too.

Forever waiting,

~The broken hearted

Only You

Can you bring me home to where it once was,
Back to the good old days?
When we would pick up some food at the store downtown
Hit the beach, and watch the sun fade.

Playing country songs in a parking lot,
Every challenge we ever faced we won.
Before all this fighting, when love was a verb,
And lover, we had just begun.

Take me back to the days of holding hands,
Surprise gifts and kisses at your door.
That smile on my face, no one could erase
Before I wondered if we’d kiss once more.

A spectacular glow of bursts in the sky,
From the back of a fire truck.
My only job was to make you smile,
But I swear most of the time it was luck.

To when you’d steal my sweatshirt, when you were cold
Stay in and watch a movie at home.
Rip off the blanket, run out the back door,
And lay on our backs watching the moon.

Take me back to all of the failed attempts
And dancing to our song on the beach,
The smile in your eyes, the feel of your touch
Told me nothing would be out of reach.

Before a summer changed lives, and how I looked at the world
When I didn’t yet know what love was.
We experienced life without jealousy or hate,
And could spend time with each other “just because”.

Bring me to days when we were still happy
When I knew how to make you smile.
Before the mindless fights and clutter surrounded
When we would walk that miracle mile.

Only you can bring me home, to where it once was,
Whenever tears are rolling down my face.
Because only you have a spot in my heart,
That not even time can erase.

Night Sky Love

It happens when the sun vanishes into the night sky,
I stop my life and something inside me breaks.
My mind draws as black as the sky does turn,
And she is the one bright star I can see.
Headlights shine through the back of my car,
And cast a shadow of a soul that is lost.
As the melody of the car takes me away,
To a place where we used to dream of at night.
I walk through the heavy door of my house,
Into a love that's no longer there.
As I change my clothes and look at the pictures
I feel what we had dared to dream.
And I whisper in my mind to one that isn't there,
"I Love you baby", and she repeats the same.
And I dream as I sleep, of the dreams we dared,
As I hope that the morning will not show again.
Because it's the same as it was the day before,
When I try to forget and live for today,
And I pray the dusk will not come too fast,
Because it happens when the sun vanishes into the night sky.

Isolation

A bright moonlight illuminates the dance floor
And we slip onto it, two souls joined as one
Surrounded by others, entrapped in love
We swim in the pools of the eyes of another

The Worst Form of Perfection

A crisp collared shirt and a gorgeous dress;
The past casts a shadow upon them both.
Their smiles slowly fade and their eyes lock.
The glisten in their eyes destroys the shadow.
With a sudden touch the world is forgotten.
Grips tighten, and a deep breath of each other is inhaled.
Their bodies touch, and in the wrong place and time,
Nothing is more perfect than the first kiss of the evening.

Nightly Lies

Reality is fading
As your hand runs down my face.
The world slows to a soft glow,
And I pray a nver-ending eve.
For tonight, take my heart
And play as a child.
Build me up and break me down.
I'll pretend to believe if you won't tell of my lies.
Pain escapes and ignorance is born;
Your lust penetrates my lips.
Reaching for the depths of my soul,
Nothing will right my wrongs.
So in this moment you are life,
And life is perfection.
Perfect isn't what I deamt it would be.
Pull me close and gasp for air.
Hold on to the love we invent.
Tonight a game is what I need,
And we know you play to win.
So win me over beautiful,
Make me lose it all.
Feel my body tense at the thought
Never cure my blindness.
Just rip the tears from my eyes;
The drug has killed itself with time.
Smaile as you gaze at our world.
I'm tortured, dragging my knees,
Praying to feel your grasp once more.
For a lifetime this lie I could live.
Reality seems so far away...

Breaths of You

In the corner of a room, spotlight on me
I'm hitting the bottle hard.
I've learned alcohol knows a trick,
To make memories into friends,
When you're isolated and cold,
As it warms you like home once did.
The pain is no longer existent as I'm numb,
Suddenly the tears begin to roll.
Each tear I shed is another dream crushed
By every action I have ever taken.
Happiness and love become broken
Shards of glass from the bottle that crashed to the floor.
As I'm sinking into the floorboards
I slowly bow my head
And look up to realize that I am not alone.
The ones who have desired to see me fail
Are watching as the dim lights fade to nothing.
Yet as the room begins to clear,
And my mind turns to black,
I look up to see the discontent upon your face.
And the last breath I take tonight,
Will not merely be of air,
Yet of you, my darling,
As you have kept me alive for so long.

Escaping the World

My escape begins as the pen hits my hand.
It's a stress relief you may never understand.
Begining to convey ideas I don't even know.
Each and every feeling; every high, every low.
It's an uncontrolable feeling to let my hand do the walking,
And it's so much easier than face-to-face talking.
Explaining to the world what I should not fear,
With no prejudice against whoever wants to hear.
Hoping the world judges each and every word,
So at least someone will listen to what you never heard.